In this world, we’ve got two kinds of folks: Dirty joke aficionados and the fibbers who pretend they’re above such humor. Let’s drop the pretense and dive into the world of R-rated chuckles.
No need for apologies or blushes here.
The best jokes often come with an adult twist, delivering laughs that hit harder than your morning coffee.
Prepare to unleash a barrage of the most hilariously naughty jokes that’ll have you and your friends rolling. Get ready to embrace the cheeky side of comedy with the filthiest, most side-splitting gags you’ve ever encountered!
Funny Dirty Jokes For Men
Did you hear the one about laughter being the best medicine? It’s no joke! Laughing not only tickles your funny bone but also drops your blood pressure faster than a whoopee cushion deflates. It’s like a Swiss Army knife for awkward moments, a superglue for friendships, and a passport to the land of chuckles.
In the world of comedy, we’ve got more flavors than a mega ice-cream sundae.
From snicker-inducing joke books to belly-laugh-loaded movies, there’s something for everyone.
- What’s long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s fingers.
- What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas.
- Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.
- A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”
- What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Together, we can stop this crap.”
- A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
- What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
- Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
- If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
- What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
Life Sex Jokes
- Sex jokes
- Blonde jokes
- Divorce jokes
- Men and Women jokes
- Private parts jokes
- LOTS of other funny dirty jokes for adults!
- A 95 yr old mas sucks his 90 year old wife’s breast for half an hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.POSTMORTEM REPORT – death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE!!
- Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His finger went to tease wife’s pussy. Wifestart to strip hersel and ask. “You want sex”? Husband answer “No, i just want to wet my fingerto turn the page”!!!
- Rooster and cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls into river. Rooster cant stoplaughing.——> the moral of the story? Whenever there’s wet pussy, there’s a happy cock.4. There are 3 male and 1 female pencils in a box. The female pencil gets pregnant!!! WhichMale pencil is responsible? THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
- Girls reaction to penis sizes: 9″: “oh shit, pain!”, 7″: “Oh yes, shiok!”, 6″: “Ohhh, Perfect!”,4″: “Push more!”, 3″: “Is it in?” 2″: “Idiot just use your tongue” (find the sequence)
- Woman in bed with husband’s best friend, phone rings! She said, “YES., OK, BYE.” Sheturns to her lover and says, “THAT’S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE’S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU”.
- There are 3 roosters: One normal, one, retarded and one gay. Normal: “Cock-a-doodle-doo!”, Retarded: “Doodle-cock-a-dooo!”, Gay: “Any-cock-will-doooo!!!!”
- What’s the mos difficult GOLF COURSE in this world? Answer: INTER COURSE. No matterhow many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in!!!!
Big Dick Jokes
- My dick is so big, there’s still snow on it in the
summertime. (John Caponera) - My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room
and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and
argue with the doorman. - My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in
front of company. - My dick is so big, it won’t return Spielberg’s
calls. (Terry Mulroy) - My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of
me from high school. - My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
- My dick has better credit than I do.
- My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when
I cum. - My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a
military coup. It’s now known as the Democratic
Republic of My Dick. - My dick is so big, it ha s casters. (Les Firestein)
11. My dick is so big, I’m already fucking a girl
tomorrow. - My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way
into the harbor. (Caponera)
dicks, that I know of. Neither do I. Not that it’s small,
it’s just not big enough to make a joke about. - My dick is so big, there was once a movie
called Godzilla vs. My Dick. - My dick is so big, it lives next door.
- My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick
contest and it came in first, second, and third. - My dick is so big, it votes.
- My dick is a better dresser than I am.
- My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
- My dick is so big that the head of it has only
seen my balls in pictures. (Eddie Gorodetsky) - My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit
his 750th home run. - My dick runs the 440 in fifteen seconds.
- My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob. (Mulroy)
- No matter where I go, my dick always gets
there first. - My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
- My dick contributed $50,000 to the Demo –
cratic National Committee. - My dick was once the ambassador to China.
- My dick is so big, it’s gone condo. (Jason
Stuart) - My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt
its knee. - My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland
Browns, but Art Modell didn’t want a bigger dick
than he was on the team. - My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a
French tickler. (Carey and Firestein) - It’s so big, when it rains the head of my dick
doesn’t get wet. - My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I
wasn’t so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself. - My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic
zipper. - My dick is so big, it has feet.
- My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it. (Firestein)
- My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and
a team of Clydesdales to jack me off. - My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for
three extra days. - My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to
test my condoms. (Marcy Woolard) - My dick is so big, it has investors. (Firestein)
- My dick is so big, it seats six.
- My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock
ring. (Firestein - My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo
pole. (Ginger M.) - My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl
up it in the next remake. (Firestein) - My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
- My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
- My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
(Firestein) - My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast
in the mornings. - My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole
in the middle of it so cars could get through. - My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause
a solar eclipse. - My dick is so big, it only plays arenas. (Rick
Messina, who isn’t kidding)
Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes Quotes
“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, “Dad, what are bastards and bitches?” And his dad replies, “Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen.” Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, “Shit!” “Mom, what is shit?” and she says, “Perfume.” So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, “Fuck!” The boy asks, “Dad, what does fuck mean?” and dad says “preparing.” Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, “Where are the condoms?” The little boy asks, “What are condoms?” and his father says, “Condoms are coats and jackets.” The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, “Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.”
― 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn’t really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“A small boy asks his Dad, “Daddy, what is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.” ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda’s house. “You owe me money,” she says. “For what?” The woman rolls her eyes and explains, “I’m a prostitute.” The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: “Prostitute: Has sex for money.” The panda says, “I don’t have to pay you. I’m a panda. Look it up.” She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up “panda” in the dictionary, and it reads, “Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!” Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!” Finally, the guy interrupts. “Go home, dad, you’re drunk.”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.” “I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“Two guys sneak into a farmer’s orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. “Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want,” said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, “Now shove ’em all up your ass.” The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. “Why are you laughing?” asks the farmer. And the guy replies, “My friend is out picking watermelons!”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“Then Johnny asks the teacher, “You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?” And the teacher responds, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
“lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was…God, I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get really screwed! ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Dirty Jokes – sexual and adult’s jokes
Jokes as a Social Lubricant
Jokes are not just words strung together for a laugh; they are social tools. They can break down barriers and forge connections. Think of humor as the Swiss Army knife in your social toolbox. It’s versatile, useful, and can defuse even the most awkward situations.
Laughter is contagious. When you start laughing, it’s hard for others not to join in. It creates a positive feedback loop in social interactions. In a group, laughter can synchronize the brain activity of all the participants, creating a shared experience that strengthens group bonds. It’s like a group high-five, but more fun.
In relationships, a shared sense of humor is a key ingredient. It’s the secret sauce that can keep relationships tasty and fresh. Couples who laugh together, stay together. It’s a way of communicating, “I get you,” without having to say a word. Laughter in relationships is like glue, but the fun kind, not the kind you accidentally stick your fingers with.
The Science of Laughter
Ever wonder what happens in your brain when you hear a joke so funny that you spit out your coffee? It turns out, your brain is having a party. When you laugh, your brain releases a cocktail of happy chemicals – endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin. These are like the fairy godmothers of your mental health, swooping in to banish stress, anxiety, and even the grumpiest of moods.
But it’s not just a chemical fiesta. Laughter strengthens the immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. It’s like a workout for your insides, but more fun than a treadmill and less sweaty. Picture this: Your brain on laughter is like a rock concert where every neuron is doing the wave. It’s a natural antidepressant, without the side effects or the pharmacy bill.
Laughter also acts as a social glue. It connects us to others and is a universal language. Ever noticed how a shared chuckle over a silly joke can break the ice faster than an icebreaker ship in the Arctic?
That’s the power of humor. It’s a social bonding agent stronger than the world’s best glue. When we laugh with someone, our brains sync up, creating a connection that says, “Hey, we’re on the same wavelength.”